Laughlin Nevada called... it was wondering why you have not shown up for your shift at the Lazy River Lounge. Those Keno cards are not gonna punch themselves!
And since when did wearing a matte lipstick in the shade of "Death by Plague" become synonymous with plump and supple lips?
Oh Wait...
Damn you Jolie. You and I have already had words - do not get me riled up over a cosmetic malfeasance. (Also, congratulations, you've managed to make Brad Pitt boring. Is there no end to your world domination?!)
But you LL Whore J (I dont even care - that made me laugh) are NO Angelina Jolie.For various reasons, most of which rhyme with Sherbie Woolly Coated.
And lastly,
Oooooooo thats rights Linds, make love to the camera - or atleast a sloppy second base. Feast your eyes paparazzi on a true beauty in our time. Oh but Linds, next time, try to choose a self tanner that doesnt make you look like a 2-year-old who has been sucking on a Hershey's Special Dark during a long car ride to grandmas house, mm kay?
Also, please tell your low rent, Designer Imposter's K-fed boyfriend that growing facial hair on only his gobble does not detract from the multiple chins. Everyone knows that only bronzer does that!
(Side Bar - Isn't K-fed already the low rent K-fed of this generation? Discuss.)
xoxo,
Ashlee still not Simpson
3 comments:
This is hilarious, as always. How you manage to make me laugh so hard on every one of your posts is beyond me. You are the funniest person alive!
Sherbie Woolly Coated!! Subtle, very subtle. I agree on the "Death by Plague" lipstick... g - ross. One question... can you really turn orange by sucking on a Hershey's Dark Chocolate bar?
LL Whore J!!
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