Livin' up the same old moment

I'll live out my indiscretions
my recriminations, my momentary yet perpetual lapses in sound judgment
for the crowd and cameras
all expecting everything and nothing
from my seemingly hollow speech
and remarkable ability for dime turning

I never asked for my words to be marked

I'll continue to wrestle, often futilely, with the devil and his seductive wares
as I am ripped limb from limb
turning me into both his opponent and his ally
sometimes in the same night
and same sentence

Please enjoy the show

Monogamy, Matrimony, Functional Reality
all boring in the face of sordid mistakes
-when will the allure of the puppet show subside? when will these unnecessary moments cease to be the dark poisonous addiction dripping from my veins?

Or simply can it be
the pain of casual is seemingly more manageable compared
with the pain of loving... and losing.
the imagined horror of trust

I dont want you
I just want you to want me

Such a sad testament to the state of maturity and friendship, and I authored it.

Im sick of myself
I lose all perspective
I forget my progress
Im caught in the details of a wine glass

This battle is all uphill... it never seems to level

Damn you Chardonnay.