Its All Happening

So, here's me outside of Mass General Hospital on my first day as a student nurse! My good friend Anna literally forced me to take this picture, as I had been up since 5am, and was so tired I could barely see. But Im sure in the future, assuming I survive this venture, I will recall this moment fondly and appreciate Anna's photographic insistence. I predict that in later years I will refer back to this period in my life as "Blissful Ignorance" and/or "The Brief Time Before I Met That Hot Doctor." Only time, and a ring on it, will tell.

Well friends, its been awhile for me and the writing. I guess I could blame school, since it really is the ultimate time succubus, but if we are being honest here (which I believe is amendment #4 in the contract), I blame Twitter. YES THATS RIGHT. Now before you get all pointy and shouty at me for being a sell-out and becoming obsessed with a social networking site when I literally MADE A BLOOD PACT to never to join one, let me say this: None of you are even on Twitter so I would argue that it is less of a SNS, and more of a daily challenge for me to try and be creative and witty in the most concise way possible, i.e. less than 140 characters. Its like the 100 meter dash of joke writing, PLUS the added bonus of reading tiny verbal jewels from some of my favorite famous people like Diablo Cody, Mindy Kahling, and Bill Simmons. (Some of their Twitter one-liners are comedy GOLD.) So I am dually blaming school and Twitter for my lack of motivation, but the sad reality is that I could in all honesty just siphon off some of the hours I spend reading gossip blogs every day for distraction and entertainment, and actually start contributing again to this snarky little side project of mine. Occasionally delving into my own archives as I am known to do, consistently reminds me that I AM A WRITER. I love this blog and am proud of 73% of it. The remaining is stuff I posted on a whim, out of rage, had to remove due to a verifiable SCANDAL, or just blatantly plagiarized.

So, am I going to start baring my soul again, posting not-even-remotely-subtle poems about people who never mattered, start East Coast rivalries, and continue my scathing Hollywood commentary? I doubt it. (Although Im thinking I need to reconsider that last one - Because Lindsay's face has actually morphed into that of a wisened sea turtle, Jessica is somehow MORE pathetic than anyone could have ever predicted, and Britney literally JUST went on a shopping trip to TARGET wearing this:



ARE THOSE PINK SNOW BOOTS??? What in thee OFFHERMEDS hell is going on with her?! I cant go back to the days of stained shirts, pink wigs, british accents, and brown pleather Charlotte Russe boots, Britney, I CAN NOT. I thought we worked through this and found a happy place - yours strangely involved your dad making you velveeta cheese grits on what was the WORST documentary ever committed to film , but as long as you retired THE BOOTS, I retired my side eye of shame. But these pink croc boots (Brocs? Croots?) are a SLIPPERY SLOPE. What is this ridiculous desire of yours to swaddle and suffocate your ankles in synthetic fibers - YOU ARE A BAGILLIONAIRE. You can afford the finer things, start with the footwear. WONT SOMEONE PLEASE THINK OF THE BOOTS?
Also, please brush your hair and stop shopping at target. But really, the boots.)

Well that was fun - and cathartic in more ways than one. I really hope I will find the energy and mental stamina to cook up some morsels of snark for your craniums, but for now I will leave you with this: My brother-in-law, upon seeing the above photo of me in his in-box, sent me this amazing one-liner of his own:

I thought you were trying to subliminally remind me of your awesomeness with the phrase "Sassachusetts" in the background--Fierce! Prick 'em in thy veins!


I really could not have ended this post on a better note except that I WAS, I AM, and I WILL!