I Hate This Part

So, last time I was home, which was barely a month ago, the SOCAL radio stations could not stop playing the ubiquitous "When I Grow Up" by the PussyCat Dolls. Im serious, it still haunts me how many times I heard it. I only mention this because I found it totally absurd and random. For starters, that song was SO last year, so WHY, KIIS FM, WHY did you play it on the regular like it just dropped, when in reality it had been ATLEAST 6-8 months since its unfortunate musical inception. Fact: Sadly, the Dolls are not a fine wine. Do not decant them and force us to sniff their fumes while waiting for a later, more savory dinner party. Listen up Seacrest, most of those Ho's are damn near 37 years old, you play their "jams" (I use that loosely) THE MINUTE THEY ARE RECORDED. Those girls got mortgages and grandchildren, no time to waste! Besides, their moment passed with "Dontcha wish your girlfriend was hot like me: No Rhythm/Fat Girl Anthem," So anything that followed that song has been a lucky fluke as far as I am concerned, or an evil joke IN HELL.
(This lecture also refers to all Pink songs, no matter how much I like her. SMALL. DOSES.)
Also not helping matters was that I had just sat through a reincarnated drag production of PCD back in Boston that was equally, if not more so, redundant, anachronistic, and vaguely awkward. You have not lived until you have witnessed fake tranny's being impersonated by real tranny's. Words to live by.

So fast forward five weeks, and I am back home again, enjoying my spring break with copious amounts of sun, debauchery, and drive-thru fast food. One of the things I genuinely miss while living in a self-proclaimed "walking city" (barf) is the underrated privileged we posess of driving around with the windows down, listening to tunes, eating a Chicken Fajita Pita. In that order. (Or Double-Double for all you inexperienced haters.)

Accompanying me this time, along with my snacks and fortitude, has been a a new song that I SWEAR is played in rotation every 15 minutes. The market saturation is actually vaguely impressive. Initially I expected my reaction to be hatred and air punches, but because this new song has replaced the aforementioned "When I Grow Up" that I not only expected to still be playing ad nauseum, but that I might hate more than any Miley Cyrus/Taylor Swift/Jonas Brothers song combined (Its that serious) - I find myself having surprisingly grown quite fond of, NAY, have even looked forward to hearing it up to 4 times an hour, OR MORE. Because I dont listen to the radio in Boston, I was not familiar with it before this trip, and now its very literally become MY JAM. Like dance moves while driving, pretending Im in a music video - type Jam. I have invited it into my life, and it has made itself a fort in the backyard.

So tonight I come home after hearing it THREE TIMES IN A ROW on my way back to my parents house, and I finally decide to embark on a quest to figure out who indeed actually sings the song that has so gripped my heart and soul, and that has so inspired me to risk flipping the Echo during some mean dance breakdowns.

Brace yourselves:



NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
Damn you PussyCat Dolls, Damn you.

I give up.

It wont be different this time.