It Needs To Be Said

Dear Angelina,





Blah, Blah, Adoption. Blah, Blah, Ambassador. Blah, Blah, Good Will tour.


Hate to break this to you sweetheart...Hot is hot.
But Crazy is still Crazy...



And you my dear, are perpetually about to choke a bitch...



And then some...



I would be mildly frightened of you if you werent the literal size of my right thigh, so Im going to take this opportunity to put you on notice:

A) No one cares.
B) Get over yourself.
C) YOU ARE AN F'ING ACTRESS. Get off the world's podium and sit back down in the make-up chair. You know that lipliner takes atleast half an hour.
D) You are a homewrecker. Oh Yes, I said it. Not that I blame you, but all the orphan cradling in Uganda wont disguise that fact that you are a PR genius for making us forget the Pitt Voodoo you pulled.

And lastly...



D) Much like these slowly painful tribal carvings, your past will always follow you. And no amount of reproducing, orphan collecting, or heartthrob stealing, will ever wash off the geriatric overbite funk of this:



You especially, are fooling no one. One tab of ecstasy and those leather pants are put right back into unwashed rotation! I can smell the Monistat from here.

Also, eat a sandwich.

That is all.