Dear [Insert name here],
You can position the camera at any flattering angle you want, you are still a boring east coast brunette with an undeserved, unearned, and underwhelming opinion of herself. Im glad to see all that pretentious pseudo ivy league education taught you worlds of info about photo shop. Your Myspace thanks you.
You can continue to glare at me from across the room, proceed to size me up, and go on assuming that Im too bubbly, too image-conscious, too OC to notice your attempt at a condescending stare.
Honey, I invented that patronizing tone you are borrowing. I am lending you those forced smiles, and that icy shoulder you are wielding. Your stabs at territorial espionage are amateur at best. Atleast offer me a worthy adversary.
Also: Under eye concealer. Look into it.
Kisses!
Love,
You'll never be me
6 comments:
cold yet true....they'll never be you
ps- considering i am a brunette/black haired east coaster i'll try not to take this personally because i KNOW it's not meant for me :) i'm the exception
:)
You are awesome.
I got nothing else - that covers it :)
This also goes for you pacific northwest, jean sweatshirt, and tennies wearing bitches. Stop eyeing my mini with envy, pretending to hate me when you just want to be me. I'm on to your insecurities. Does it make you feel a little less fat to talk town to me when I am tipsy? You can be all the condescending you want, it won't take away the pounds.
Sincerely,
Get out my face before I kick you with my 4 inch fuck me pumps.
DO. NOT. MESS.
Well, there's no need to wonder who Mel is now! (I am just kidding... I knew who she was before, but now all of the Pacific Northwest is saying, "Oh, it's THAT girl!")
So, is this boring brunette a co-worker or something? She knoweth not with whom she messes.
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