Ashlee Anonymous

Im starting a support group for the wounded Ive left lying in my wake.
There will be ample cheetos and high fructose syrupy beverages to accompany the mutual confusion and utter exhaustion that will undoubtedly make for some interesting fodder and instant camaraderie amongst a select group of individuals that I shall hereto refer to as "Ye Olde Unfortunates".

The 12 Step Recovery Process is as follows:
*Borrowed from 12 Steps to Serenity and revised by yours truly

1. Admit powerlessness against the likes of natural disasters such as hurricanes, tornadoes, earthquakes, tidal waves and the ever-feared Front Ass. And Ashlee. (Who does not have a front ass)

2. Acknowledge that only a greater power can restore sanity and peace. Other methods include well placed compliments and chocolate gifts.

3. Make a decision to release all cell phones and computers to ones greater power in order to protect and heal from late night/early morning/mid day tirades, name calling, and/or general fight picking.

4. Make a searching and fearless moral inventory of oneself. In order to stop being such cowardly momma's boys.

5. Admit to God, and also preferably to Ashlee or an Ashlee-like acquaintance, the exact nature of inevitable wrongs. Or take notes when told exactly what your problem is.

6. Be entirely ready to remove all defects of character. (I made no embellishments to this one. The truth is too beautiful)

7 - 11. Get over yourselves and admit that if it, or I, was really worth it to you, you would not have let me push you away, nor push your buttons, in the first place. Stop whining because this challenge has exhausted your lack of resources.

12. Have a spiritual awakening because of these steps and try to extend help to other addicts.


You all make it too damn easy...