...and then sometimes

Oftentimes in this game
experience wins out over logic
or facts, or outcomes
or even hope

Ive made a lucrative career out of being unamused
all-knowing, caustic, weathered

boxing my own shadow for so long
I can hardly remember a time without gloves
a time before my only currency was red wine and
cliched anger

leaves change seasons turn
and perspectives become
less muddled

all of a sudden
you start to notice and take note
(friends and their own hard-fought and hard-won functionality and participation in this team-based endeavor make your own single efforts seem justifiably valiant and worthwhile, yet possibly deserving of a little flair)
start to smile and understand
start to wonder at possibility
at happenstance
at potential you thought long extinguished

I have many to thank
for exemplifying the right and the wrong
the real from the delusional
what selfless giving to another human being actually means

sometimes it can seem so dark and endless and disappointing and predictable

and then sometimes
out of nowhere
you just start to believe.