"You Are the Blackest White Girl Ive Ever Met..."

Hear me out. Im not sure when this started, but I have been inexplicably challenging people to "Dance-offs" for far too many years. Seriously.
I attended an incredibly suburban (read:white) public school between the ages of 9 and 12, of which possessed exactly one black student, and one Hispanic. Which, even by California standards is impressive. Around age eleven, I started to, as they say "talk smack" about my dance skills, and befriended / challenged said lone black student to a competition in my front yard after school. I told him I would bring my Bel Biv Devoe cassette, he could bring his dignity, and we would settle things once and for all. The interesting thing was, Im pretty sure I was not even on his radar in terms of a worthy competitor, and Im almost certain he only showed up out of sheer curiosity and bewilderment at this 5th grade white girl who was so boldly stating that she had "...watched enough Yo! MTV Raps to know whats up." I also may or may not have implied that there would be pizza provided. I also invited the whole neighborhood. I believe that there were Pogo Balls involved.
His name was Imari, and he did, in fact, Bring it.

I wish that I could tell you now, at 28, that I can look back on those times when I possessed a ridiculous amount of hubris and bravado, and just shake my head and laugh, knowing the mature and self-respecting woman I have turned into. Sadly, my penchant for dance challenges has only increased with age!

The following video is not so much the necessary evidence to incriminate me, as it is the sad realization that I may be the only person amused and intrigued by my dance fortitude. This is me deciding to prove how much I love Usher in front of my co-workers, while on a business trip in Minneapolis. What is so genius about this, is not that I just met 90% of the people in the room the day before, not that I have absolutely no shame whatsoever, but that if you will notice, I am dancing like its my JOB, and NO ONE even bats an eye. As a matter of fact, they are trying to see around me at the TV while I am popping and locking all over the place like a fool.
Amazing.

Im sorry it is sideways. Tilt your head or have a couple cocktails.
Enjoy the audacity's.

*My absolute favorite part of this is after I finish my performance, I incredulously look at the two guys standing in the hall, who were wearing tank tops as shirts out to the bar, and then look back at the camera like "THOSE two are CRAZY." How dare I.