The Follow-up Jam

*First Posted: 1/23/08
For whatever reason, my insidious rants against Buffalo Wings are what people quote back to me the most from this blog. My undeniable passion definitely struck a cord in the lobes and loins of my easily amused readers (I dont even know what that means, but it stays). Its incredibly flattering, but also totally random. People cant get enough of my sauce hatred! This is the follow-up post in which I basically concede to a worthy opponent. Interestingly enough (or not), I actually totally did give up my fight after writing this, but I think after re-reading I may have to pick up that torch once again and fight the good fight. If not me, who? If not now... possibly at some other time when I care. I love that I took actual menu photos at Chili's. I got nothing else. It just makes me laugh.



Okay, thats it Boston. Ive officially had it. Your insistence upon slathering the most unlikely of menu items with a sauce that was (GASP!) birthed in your perpetual rival's own city of Buffalo, NY has reached levels previously never thought possible.
Ive given this some time and deep thought as to what the relentless appeal is to you people. Massachusetts is not known for its buffalo farms or chicken herds, so the answer cannot be that the two were so embedded in your hearts and minds that your only choice was their unholy trifecta, joined by the aforementioned demonic nostril-singeing condiment.

Look, Ive left Dunkin' Donuts well enough alone - for now. You can keep your blue collar, obsessive-compulsive, poor mans Winchell's (I realize those are fighting words). Atleast Im not sitting down to a decent meal and being forced to see Dunkin Iced Coffee Creme Brulee on the menu - although Im pretty sure I just gave someone at headquarters another market saturation idea. But atleast THAT would make sense. D&D's was founded in Quincy (thank you google), a place I will never again visit in my lifetime (thank you Darren). So it makes sense that everyone is obsessed with it. It makes sense that there are like 2 starbucks in this entire city (not really the point, but Im just over it).

But really - WHAT IS THE DEAL WITH THE BUFFALO WINGS?

Observe:


"Wha, Wha, What?" you ask curiously horrified "Are those...? No, they could not possibly be... Sweet Fancy Moses... BUFFALO FAJITAS???!!!"

I shake my head and sadly reply "Yes children. Wipe your tears, world domination is inevitable."

Listen up, I procured this photo on a reconnaissance mission to a local Chili's where I was caught completely off guard by this menu offering, and promptly began yelping, snapping photos, and asking seriously if I was on the losing end of a bad joke. I mean, thats not actual edible food right? Is that Blue Cheese dancing joyously atop a sizzling platter of buffalo fingers...yes, yes it is. Ladies and gentlemen, we have reached a new low.

My question here is this: Do tortillas accompany this eye-scorching, mind-boggling monstrosity? And if so, does that then allow one to create... Im afraid to even say it... BUFFALO CHICKEN FINGER FAJITA TACOS????

Im done Boston. You win again. I cant fight anymore against your irrational food creations. I began this campaign against the almighty wing, but I am only one woman. I cannot continue.

Tell my mother I love her.