I would like everyone to take a seat for a minute, because this might actually buckle your knees and make you question all that is good and holy in this world.
Hold on to something, and kiss your loved ones.
Dear Beyonce "totally insane egotistic megalomaniac with no sense of reality" Knowles,
I apologize.
Yes, thats right, I said it. Im conceding.
I just sat through your "If I were a Boy" video and wow... I have never simultaneously HATED a song more, and yet been more impressed with its accompanying video than this one. I was actually speechless. For starters, you looked gorgeous(which is saying something, because you are usually made up like a broke down Tina Turner at Studio 54 on free narcotics night, plus totally unecessary hot pants) and you accomplished something I NEVER thought you could pull off... subtlety. I actually felt the tiny stabbing pains of what it must feel like for you when Jay-Z ignores your calls when he's hanging out with Rhianna. Like, in my soul. And you included a total of ZERO booty shakes or black girl neck swivels to accomplish this. Where is this woman's Golden Globe?! Forget all of these lame Oscar-Begging throwback period pieces you are wasting your life on! (Girl, really. An American Idol contestant beat you out. A contestant, not even a winner. That stings. Let it go.)
This video is your Citizen Kane. Bask in it.
cut and paste - You Tube is lame. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BVTyLqkez6A
However, we are on shaky ground here because Im still pretty convinced you are just sitting at home playing "Wheel of Trendy Sunglasses and Leotard Dance Moves" on your couch, and spending all your time finding tight Fonytails that Madonna wore during her Blonde Ambition tour of 1990. This needs to stop. My corneas beg you.
Love,
If You Like it Then You Should'a Put a Ring On it
2 comments:
Are you allowed to say, "Black girl neck swivels?"
I agree with you. The video was really good and very UN-Beyonce.
The ONLY redeeming quality about her three-girls-in-leotards fiasco of a video was watching Justin Timberlake impersonate it on SNL. Good times.
Had I read this post and never seen her most recent venture into "Please Dear God Give Me a VMA for Choreography" video, I might have agreed. But, I saw the aforementioned "Ring on it (Single Ladies)" video, which took the taco on the amount of Black Girl Neck Swivels and crazy dancing a-la MC Hammer circa 1992.
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